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Thor’s hammer was lost. Well, when I say lost, I mean Loki had ‘misplaced’ it – with a giant.
In order to get it back, Loki promised the giant Thrym that he would give him the beautiful Freya’s hand in marriage.
‘She’ll never agree to that’ said Thor, as Loki explained his plan.
‘She won’t need to’ replied Loki ‘put on this dress….and this lipstick’
And that’s how Thor ends up married to Thrym, spending the reception of the wedding eating all the food and drinking all the mead. I’d like to say they lived happily ever after, but, well, there was still the issue of Thor’s ‘misplaced’ hammer.
Thrym was looking concerned. ‘Freya really does eat and drink a lot!’
‘It’s fine’ said Loki. Freya has been sooo sick with nerves over marrying you, she hasn’t eaten all week!’
‘Of course!’ Said Thrym ‘That makes sense. I am rather handsome. Are her eyes usually that red?’
Er…no It’s just, well. Erm…. she hasn’t been able to sleep with all the preparations for the wedding.
Ah yes, of course!
Listen Thrym, I can call you Thrym, can’t I? We are friends after all? What Freja really wants to see – as YOUR wife, is something really special. Maybe a rarity, a jewel, a certain …mjolnir?’
‘Well, of course. Anything for my darling’ said Thrym.
And this is how Thor got within range of his hammer. And that’s all he needed. Swiftly he drew the mighty mjolnir upwards, striking Thrym cleanly on the chin. Before bringing it down, crushing his skull.
He looked around the room at the Wedding guests and grinned. ‘who’s next?’